Bridges to cross and a {Merry Christmas}...

Well... I'm officially on Christmas Break and it feels SO good to have a little time off work to really focus on family, especially after everything we've been through the past few weeks.

Jon and I met with his doctor this past Wednesday. The doctor started him on Doxycycline again and will start Metronidazole in 2 weeks. Jon will be on the Doxy all the time, and will do 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off of the Metro. His doc is hitting him hard, so unfortunately, Jon will more than likely get worse before he gets better. It's such a weird feeling hoping for an increase in pain, but if his body does start to Herx again, then we know it's working.

We also talked about the "next step" if things don't improve. If we are not seeing any improvement Jon will undergo more testing to see if there is a Co-Infection. Many times when someone is infected with Lyme, they will also have a Co-Infection such as Babesia or Bartonella along with the Lyme. We PRAY this is not the case, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there. If you are bored and want to research Lyme yourself, here are a couple websites that we visit often.

IGeneX, Inc.  & ILADS

Please keep Jon in your prayers as we start up this treatment again. His doc reminded us that these are STRONG meds and can really mess up his gut. We are trying to be proactive, but some of the side effects are pretty darn scary. 

Of course when it rains it pours and all of the girls have also been sick this past week. High fevers, fatigue, loss of appetite and aches & pains struck the girls... and poor grandma Van Dyke too :( The girls are slowly getting better. Claudia suffered for over a week. Constance was hit, but it was short lived and Chloe is still fighting it, but is doing better. The doc at Prime Care said it could take 2-3 weeks before they were back to themselves. I'm hoping sooner than later, especially with Christmas being 3 days away. Hopefully we are all on the mend and healthy soon. It hasn't hit me yet and that's a good thing, because I don't have time to be sick... there's too much to do around here.

In closing I want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas!!! Spend more time with those you love. Hug them all a little tighter and MAKE EVERY MOMENT COUNT!!!!

With love,
Jenn

Holiday's... heartache or happiness

I'm not going to lie... I have a heavy heart this Holiday Season. This past year has been a year that I could easily forget. So much heartache, yet so much happiness...

Jon made it 4 weeks off his antibiotics. It's not been pretty. I know he really was hopeful that he would be doing a lot better, but he's not, and it's heartbreaking. It's so frustrating when you feel like crap on meds, and when you feel like crap off meds too. Lyme is just a vicious cycle. We hate it! Today we made the call for Jon to go back on meds. I know it took every ounce of his pride to tell me to make the call, but it is what it is and he can always try again later. 

Jon was thankfully able to go to deer camp back in November and as many of you know, he was quite successful. It was just the boost he needed to lift his spirits, even if it was short lived.  

In the midst of the pain and exhaustion, Jon is still able to work most of the time. I'm very grateful that we haven't had to cross the bridge of Jon not being able to work. We both know that the ability for him to work is a major blessing, and we don't want to take that for granted. However, work takes it all out of him and leaves him having zero to give. He needs a break, physically and mentally... and so do I!!!

My job is still going well. Most days I really enjoy it, but it's also taken my stress level to a whole new level. Getting everyone dressed and out the door by 6:45am every morning is insane!!! I hate weekday mornings with a passion. It doesn't matter how routine I am, or how well I have everything planned out and organized, I ALWAYS end up running around like a chicken with my head cut off..

I miss the girls terribly during the week. Many mornings I drive to work in tears, wishing that I could spend more time with them. Counting down the days for the next "weekend" or "break". However, I have been BLESSED BEYOND WORDS, with a wonderful Mother-in-law and Father-in-law. Without them, Jon and I would not be where we are today. We are very fortunate and blessed!!! I don't know what we would do without them, and I hope they know how much we love them!!! Knowing how well they are caring for the girls helps take a little bit of my mommy guilt away. However, it's not just my girls she is amazing with... she also "gets" me and is an amazing listener!!! I can't thank her enough. 

In the midst of our crazy life we truly have so much to be thankful for... we have a roof over our heads, there's always food on the table, we have beds to sleep on, we have our Faith, Family & Friends... and we have each other. 

While our life has been overwhelmed with heartache, it's been our family motto the last few months to Make EVERY Moment Count. As 2013 quickly approaches our family is determined to move forward with happiness. Yes, 2012 has sucked in many ways, but we've learned an amazing lesson along the way... we have each other... Jon, Jenn, Claudia, Constance & Chloe... we're a team and no one can take that away from us!!! 

Thank you ALL for your support and love this past year... you will probably never know just how much you've touched our lives. Christmas Blessings to you all... and don't forget to Make EVERY Moment Count!!!  

a year after the attack...

So hard to believe it's been a little over a year since Jon was "attacked" by that nasty little tick. Life has thrown some BIG curve balls our way, but this is our journey, and we're trying to make the best of it and "Make Every Moment Count"!!!

Jon has been feeling "ok". He has good days and bad, probably more bad than good, but he is quick to hide the pain. The one thing he can't hide though is the exhaustion. I've never seen someone who can fall asleep so quick. He'll be out cold in the midst of a conversation, sometimes it bothers me, but most of the time I just giggle and move on.

At Jon's last doctors appointment he made the decision to stop the antibiotics to see how his body reacts. We'll see how it goes, he's just finishing up his last round of antibiotics, so the next few weeks will be the real test. Jon is still working which is great, as most Lyme patients are not able to work. Things will be slowing down at work, so there's a good chance Jon will have some time off work, and he's quite happy about that. A break would be very welcomed.

Many of you are aware of my new job with Holland Public Schools. I had been searching for new jobs for a few months. I needed to know that the girls would have insurance if Jon would become to sick to work. One day during summer vacation I came across the posting for a secretarial position in the same building I'd been working at for the last 11 years. After some serious anxiety and lot's of prayers, I ended my summer vacation early and began a new "working" adventure. I really enjoy the job, but wow, what a change for all of us. I went from working 26 hours a week to 40+ hours a week. It's been very bittersweet, while I LOVE the job, I miss the girls and Jon terribly.

With the increase in working hours, I made the heartbreaking decision to take a break from photography. I still have a few sessions on my calendar, and A LOT of sessions waiting to be edited, so I'm not done yet. If you're one of those families that are waiting for your pictures, I promise they are coming... it's just taking extra time. When my day starts at 4:30am, and I don't sit down until 7:30pm, by 8:00 I'm ready for bed so that I can rest up to start all over again, that doesn't leave much time to edit... I'm sorry to those of you who are waiting, but I greatly appreciate how patient everyone has been, so thank you!!!

The girls are doing great. Their days are crazy too, but they don't seem to mind. They have been a constant reminder to Jon and I that we are blessed, even in the midst of sheer craziness. They've seen us at our worst, and always know just what to say to bring a smile right back to our face.

We recently had to say good-bye to our 1st baby... Mattie Sue. She blessed our life for almost 11 years. The last year was really hard on her. Mattie suffered from Pug Dog Encephalitis. It was our prayer for the last few months that she would just go peacefully on her own. The thought of us having to put her down made Jon and I both ill. On September 7 our prayers were answered and we woke to find her at peace, she even had a little smile on her face. While it's what we had prayed for, there was no way to prepare our hearts for her passing. Jon and I still get choked up when talking and thinking about her. She will be greatly missed by many... but it's all part of life, and yet again another reason why it's so important to Make Every Moment Count!!!

As I end this entry (that's taken me 4 days to finish because of time restraints, so I apologize for typo's), I ask that you continue to send us good thoughts and prayers. Please keep Jon in your prayers as he stops treatment and we see exactly how Lyme is affecting his body. Continue to pray for our entire family as our lives have been forever changed because of Lyme. Your support and prayers mean the world to us. You never know what life is going to throw at you, but when you're stuck in the middle of sheer craziness, you have 2 choices. #1... Run far, far away from everything or #2... Make Every Moment Count. While choice #1 runs thru my mind A LOT... it's not the path we have decided to take. Instead we look at all the blessings that have come into our lives and we choose to Make Every Moment Count!!!

With all our love and gratitude... ((((((HUGS))))))

still here

We're still around... I just don't have as much time as I would like to get on here to journal my thoughts and feelings on what is going on in our life. Between being a mom, wife, compensating for a sick hubby, caring for our home and photography I've been swamped. I've pulled many all-nighters trying to finish laundry, pick up toys, do dishes, organize meds & editing pictures. While it's exhausting, this is my life. I tell myself that someday I will miss all of my late nights on the couch and caring for a busy household. Yes, there are some big speed bumps ahead of us, but we are sincerely trying to make the best of journey. Some day Jon and I will be {Sitting in our rockers, eating Betty Crocker, watching the clock go tick-tock} and we'll realize that these difficult times in our lives were really "the good ole' days".

Things take a whole new meaning when you really stop to think about things. Priorities change. Marriages are strengthened. Children blossom and memories are made. Unfortunately for every positive change that occurs, we are hit smack in the face with struggles and heartache. It's not all rainbows and sunshine. Sometimes you're hit with thunder and lightning.

The past few weeks have not been easy. Jon doesn't have "sick time" at work. He can use his vacation time, but that is quickly dwindling away. Between Jon's monthly doctor's visits and our monthly meds, our medical bills are piling up fast. Let me tell you, I am VERY grateful for understanding medical practices. We may be paying these bills off for years, but they are at least being paid. We've also quickly learned that Jon's immunity is low and getting a simple cold can through EVERYTHING off kilter.

We have also been blessed with AMAZING family and friends who have significantly helped us in our most desperate times of need. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!

In the midst of old dreams being crushed, new dreams are being made and even some really old dreams are starting to become a reality, we ask that you continue to send us good thoughts and prayers. Some really awesome things are starting to take shape for our family, but we know that there could possibly be more speed bumps in our way, but we're going to continue to strive forward, and Make EVERY Moment Count!!!

Jon's parents took us to the Ottawa County Fair this year... when I look at those 3 big smiles, on those 3 beautiful faces, I can't help but smile too. It's those same 3 smiles that get me through the really bad days, and the same 3 smiles that I see every morning and every night at bedtime. I know things have changed for our family. Our daily life has changed, the way I think has changed, the way I work has changed... many changes for us. But one thing never changes is the way those 3 smiles melt my heart... over and over again.

Make EVERY Moment Count.... seriously... do it... you won't regret a minute of it!!!

(((((((HUGS)))))))

Another check up...

First of all I want to thank everyone who expressed their love and concern to us, especially the last week. Jon and I are both overwhelmed with the outpouring of love and compassion that so many of you have shown to us... THANK YOU!!! We continue to struggle with so many unanswered questions, but we can't change things and today we are accepting the unknown better, so that's a blessing. Who knows how we'll feel about things tomorrow, but at least today is a better and brighter day.

Jon goes in for his 4 week check up again... these appointments are becoming all too routine for us. It's all part of our new life. Jon has been experiencing a lot more neck pain, and that is definitely going to be a topic of conversation today. He's been on vicodin for the last 4 weeks to help ease the pain, and some days it helps and others not so much. I'll be honest, I HATE that he is taking it (I don't tell him that), but I also completely understand that he needs relief and if that's how he can get some relief then I need to get over that hatred. I truly understand that they are needed in this situation, it's just hard for me to stomach, because honestly I've seen too many people get messed up because of pain meds, not to mention lives ruined, and I just don't want our journey to take that route.

Ugh, I just worry too much... I know I need to let things go, easier said than done, but I have to try!!! I came across this saying this morning on Pinterest... it hit me hard... hard enough to make me cry, but sometimes you just need that...

I think I may need to frame it and put it where I can see it as a constant reminder, that no matter how bad it gets or how low I feel that God has a perfect plan for Jon and I, and this journey with {Lyme}... we will survive, tears will be shed, nights may be sleepless, questions unanswered, but it's our journey and we'll fight it together and we're going to be stronger because of it all.

Make EVERY Moment Count!!!!

Today I want to...

GIVE UP!!!!

Today just plain sucks!!!

I'm feeling very consumed by {Lyme} and {Life} right now.

To add to our long list of stress, our beloved Pug, Mattie Sue has been rapidly going down hill. She's almost 11 and honestly has lived a great life, but the last year she has really slowed down. Last night she was up all night... poor thing couldn't breath... broke my heart. We've had the conversation about what's going to happen, and honestly last night I thought we were at the end. She's a little fighter though, and today is resting comfortably, so while my "good-bye's" that were said in the middle of the night, I'm extremely grateful that my little pug is still holding on. I'm really not ready to make the final decision to say good-bye.

As for Lyme... well, it's catching up to us in many ways. Jon's been dealing with a lot of neck pain the last few days, and hasn't been working full days near as much. Sometimes work is just slow, but mostly because he just can't do it. Well, when you don't work, you don't get paid... and it sucks. So today I find myself stressing over $, and which bill to pay and which bill is just going to have to wait... I hate this feeling!!! It's not Jon's fault. He can't help that he's sick. I know I sometimes take it out on him and that alone makes me feel terrible, but I'm only human right?!?! Today I feel like it's me though... maybe I'm not doing my part... I know I selfishly want to be home with the girls and have also been blessed to do so in the summer, but maybe that's just not an option anymore. I'm devastated about it... I feel bad that I'm not providing more... We've never wanted to put $ over our family, and family will ALWAYS be more important, but today, well... it just sucks. I'm not asking for pity or handouts, that's just not how we work, but I just need to write things out... I'm depressed, holding way too much inside and I'm not sure how much longer mentally I can do it without breaking down. As I sit here and type through the tears, I in some weird way feel better. I know many of you know of my passion for photography, and how much heart and soul I've put into Captured Memories. I have always wanted to keep it a love in my life and to be able to offer my talent to others so they can always cherish those memories at a reasonable price, but maybe that needs to change... maybe I need to up my prices... maybe I need to quit working for the school and photography all together and find something full time and become the source of income for our family... I don't know... these are all just rambling thoughts, nothing set in stone... today is just not the day to make any harsh decisions... but believe me, they are on my mind more often than just today.

I guess I've been holding a lot in lately... I wish I was better about letting things go, before I break down and feel like I'm drowning... but this is me... this is my life today and a BIG part of it is because of a damn little bug... that was not welcome here, but invaded our lives anyways... WHY!?!?!?

Please pray for Jon... he goes back to the doctor on Monday... not sure what will happen at the appointment, but we'll just have to wait... something that is definitely hard to stomach some days. Pray for the girls as they too have to adjust to this life. I try to be brave, but today has not been one of those days. I'm grateful mom Van Dyke could come to sit with the girls at the pool today so I could just breakdown. Yeah, I'm supposed to be going through all my client pics, so I'm ready to edit when my new computer screen comes in, but instead I sit here crying my eyes out... listening to their giggles in the pool,  the snoring of Jon on the couch, and "somewhere over the rainbow" on Pandora... it's really overwhelming today... tomorrow is a new day, right?!?!

If you made it this far, congrats to you... sometimes life just sucks, and you just want to give up... we're all only human... most people hide behind their crappy days... today, I just can't... and I'm okay with that... it feels good to be honest, this is my life... our life... our life in the {lyme} light... while I really want to throw my hands up and quit, I can't... I must push on... through the tears... I must find that reason to "Make EVERY Moment Count!!!"

the view from my viewfinder...

Here are a few pictures from our "Making EVERY moment count" vacation. Sorry there are so many, it was hard to pick favorites...